


Back to December

by escailyy



Category: Life with Derek
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Back to December, Casey misses Derek, Champagne Problems, Derek will show up..or will he?, F/M, Inspired by taylor swift songs, Regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28165755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escailyy/pseuds/escailyy
Summary: Last December Casey made a mistake she has spent twelve months regretting and when a new friend tells her she might as well try mending what she broke, Casey picks up the phone to call Derek.But can Christmas miracles really happen when so much was left unsaid?
Relationships: Casey McDonald/Derek Venturi, Edward Lewis/Vivian Ward
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30
Collections: Look What Discord Made Me Do





	Back to December

**Author's Note:**

> what happens when your author listens to angsty taylor swift music

Casey stands before the Christmas tree at Central park with her cup of coffee staring at her phone wondering how she came to be in such a mess. Her here, the family celebrating in Canada and Derek…somewhere he refused to say.

On paper there was nothing wrong with the situation, technically Derek was supposed to be traveling around a few film locations now that his mentor (some big hotshot director who saw one of Derek’s ‘indie’ documentaries and pronounced him the eye of his generation) was filming Derek’s latest passion project, Casey was in New York for more or less the same reasons, a boss who didn’t give a damn about Christmas except as a reason to demand extra work from her editors and aspiring editors. Sadly, at work, Casey had drawn the short straw and been made to fly to New York with explicit instructions of convincing some reclusive writer to give up their promised Christmas manuscript in time for publication. And the assignment had extended more than she liked.

She was sure that if said reclusive writer had not been one of Nora and Lizzie’s favorite authors, she would have been on the receiving end of more outraged calls than she’d had, but as it stood, Edward Lewis ‘Klaus vs Krampus’ trilogy was more important than Casey missing Christmas dinner. Everyone was counting on her to the job and Casey was nothing if not good at what she did, but spending some time with the author who had made Santa Claus into some sort of post apocalyptic vigilante had put Casey in a mood. She was ashamed to admit that it had not been her at all who finally got rid of Lewis’ legendary writer’s block but Vivian, the escort turned girlfriend that Casey had sort of grown to like in the month she’d been pestering Edward for his manuscript. In a certain way, Edward and Vivian were the reason she was sitting in central park on Christmas eve contemplating on either calling Derek, or giving up on love entirely.

It was hard for Casey to witness the messed up love story between the world’s favorite billionaire reclusive author and a girl from the wrong side of the tracks without feeling sad about her own love life. Christmas seemed to be worse than valentine’s day when it came for couples to forgive and forget, everywhere she went in New York all she saw were people holding hands and looking in love while she tried to ignore the hollowness in her chest.

But Vivian had to ask, nobody had dared to, but Vivian was nothing if not direct and Edward hadn’t been there to stop her when she said “So who’s the guy?”

“Guy? What guy?” Casey muttered her eyes darting from Vivian to the nearest exit “there is no guy”

“Casey, you don’t seem like the type to skip Christmas just because some jackass wont hand over a few hundred pages, you’re healthy, sound like you have a decent family and work cant be that bad” Vivian ticked off her fingers “so if it’s not family, work, or health that’s putting that kicked puppy look on your face when you think Edward and I aren’t looking, then it’s a guy”

“would you let it drop if I told you that you’re imagining things?” Casey tried and Vivian gave her a deadpan look that told Casey explicitly that lying to a former sex worker about guys was probably a lost cause “fine there IS a guy, but It’s complicated, so complicated that it might as well be impossible, family destroying, soul crushing impossible”

“Worse than Edward and me?” Vivian snorted “what is he? A convict? A Republican? Married?”

“He’s my stepbrother!” Casey blurted out before Vivian could come up with more ideas “His father is married to my mother, we’ve lived together since we were fifteen, went to college together and everything…”

“Let me guess, you feel anything but sisterly about him” Vivian looked like she was struggling not to laugh, when Casey’s frown turned into a glare Vivian held her hands up in mock surrender “Hey, I’m just saying that you wouldn’t believe how many people love that roleplay fantasy in my line of work”

“VIVIAN” Casey groaned “this isn’t funny, I just told you what’s the big problem with me lo-liking him, our family would go ballistic”

“So? He’s your step brother? Big deal, does he like you back?”

Casey thought back to all those afternoons studying at Queens, to the fights for the remote and sharing the rent and barging into each other’s bedrooms because they could not find a misplaced item in the pantry. Watching movies and falling asleep side by side for years, she thought of all the times Derek would look at her lips and make her wonder if that would be the day, he finally crossed the invisible line they didn’t talk about. She thought of all the grocery store trips and vacations, of all the late nights she accidentally mistook his bed for hers and he never kicked her out (waking up with Derek stopped being weird after the first few weeks of him not saying anything while she pretended not to freak out), of her things scattered all about his room because he kept stealing her stuff when she wasn’t there, scaring away each other’s significant others with so much frequency that their families stopped asking to meet them.

“He used to, we used to be happy together” Casey admitted after what felt like a lifetime of running away from that simple truth “I wouldn’t know if he still does”

“Why? What happened”

And wasn’t that a loaded question for Casey. What happened was that last year they kissed before graduation, they exploded in a blur of energy that had been pent up since their teens and decided to see where the whole secret kissing would take them. Spoiler alert it took them back to their usual routine, only with the heat turned up and no more dating for either of them. Casey hadn’t wanted to tell the family and Derek agreed, since he claimed he didn’t do commitment. Everything had been great for a while, from sharing a place in Toronto, to job hunting and celebrating their respective successes in their chosen field. Casey as a copywriter in a good publishing house and Derek as part of the editing crew of a film studio. There was more kissing, less privacy, and fighting definitely ended up differently than when they were teens, but it was fine and it was theirs, in Casey’s eyes it was perfect… As long as the family didn’t find out about it.

What happened was that Derek wanted more and Casey had freaked (out like always)

“He asked me to marry him” Casey exhaled, and so many things could be summed up by that short sentence, she could still remember his smile when he asked, as though Casey and him were on the same page, as though he didn’t know that telling their family and their friends at home about their relationship terrified her, Casey looked away from Vivian’s sympathetic look “he waited until twelve am, on Christmas day…last year and he gave me a ring box instead of a present” Casey couldn’t even say it, how Derek pressed a kiss on her lips and put a ring on her hand while the rest of their family was too distracted with presents.

“And by the look on your face, I take it you said no, ended things and have spent the rest of the year being miserable while you hound people like Edward into forking over the publishing goods” Vivian looked like she understood, or maybe it seemed that way to Casey because it was Vivian, wasn’t part of her old profession supposed to be understanding people’s relationship hang-ups to make the experience more real? Casey didn’t know, but her directness was refreshing, It certainly worked with Edward, and she privately thought that it was a uniquely Vivian quality.

“More or less, I told him we couldn’t do it, that it was too much, that this could break up our parents and the rest of the family…it was ugly Vivian, really ugly, I hurt him” Casey felt the emotion catch at her throat “It was the worst day of my life, if I could, I’d take back everything I said that day”

“And why don’t you?” there was that look again, telling Casey that Vivian thought she was being unnecessarily dramatic

“Because he doesn’t want to see me!” Casey burst out “He moved out, blocked my number and started taking jobs out of town” at this a tear did slide off her cheek “And all this year has been just me missing him while everything else happens in the background”

Vivian nodded, thinking for a moment and in a thoughtful move, gave Casey a hug “It’s okay to cry Casey, I don’t think anybody has told you this, but its okay to love him too” she said and her words resounded in Casey so much she started crying in earnest.

When Edward came back from his errand, he found his girlfriend casually sharing a pint of ice-cream with the young aspiring editor, and since Vivian trusted Edward, she told him about Casey’s ‘guy’ and asked what she should tell Casey, since broken hearted boys were not exactly Vivian’s forte but they might be Edward’s.

Edward in his typical charming fashion gave Casey a pep talk about how she was a wonderful human being who deserved love and respect, just like he would to any young woman going trough the same thing, but just before Casey left with his manuscript, presumably to schedule a flight back home, Edward tossed her a silver object “I say call him again, tell him everything you told Vivian and let him talk too, if he’s loved you for as long as you loved him, then he probably hasn’t found it easy to move on either…the worst thing that could happen, he doesn’t call back, but at least you tried”

Casey looked at Edward’s phone in her hand, it was the private one he never answered whenever his publishers called, still intact and with a contact list that would make aspiring writers weep with envy, but not Casey, for Casey it was the most thoughtful gift ever “thank you, I will” she promised “Merry Christmas to you both”

“We’ll invite you to the wedding when we set a date” Vivian called after her once she was far enough not to see the way Edward exploded with laughter “Bring your guy!”

Casey thought about it for a long time, past the call to the airline proclaiming that the only flight available was after boxing day, to a very depressing dinner from a food cart in Central Park, she fingered the silver phone with indecisiveness until she decided enough was enough.

She dialed Derek’s phone and surprisingly for absolutely nobody, it went straight to voicemail… She tried a few more times and, just her luck, spacey Casey, it went to voicemail again.

‘this is Derek Venturi, if I didn’t answer I’m probably living the life and too busy for calls, send a text if it’s urgent, if its not then what the hell, leave a message, I’ll listen to it eventually’ beep

The stupidly infuriating message almost had her breaking his name in two with annoyance, but instead she found herself chuckling, glad to be hearing his voice, even if it was this way “So hey Derek, its me Casey, this was sort of a long shot, really, I don’t even know why I’m leaving a message, you obviously don’t want to hear from me but, I have something to say and for all it’s worth, I should have said it a year ago” Casey took a deep breath “I miss you so badly it might as well be killing me, this year hasn’t been easy, emotionally speaking it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do since I moved across the country to live with the kids of my mom’s new husband when I was fifteen, and I know you told mom and George not to talk to me about you, and I shouldn’t be feeling like there’s a Derek shaped hole in my chest anytime I try to breathe air properly, or get a decent night of sleep, but I do and it hasn’t gone away in twelve months and I’m starting to think it never will, so yes, this is me humiliating myself in the middle of Central Park by crying on the phone”

Casey sniffed trying to dry her tears “over a voicemail you probably will listen to in June, while I tell you that I’m sorry, that I want to take back everything I said last Christmas. I was scared and I didn’t know living without you would feel like having my heart removed, I wanted to say yes Derek and if I could go back to that day, I would, I would take back everything I said, every doubt and every hurt. If you had given me some time to think, and realize there was nothing to be scared of, and asked me a week later or even an hour…I would have said yes and I’m really sorry I didn’t” Casey was sounding worse by the second and she knew that people were beginning to look at her with pity “And I’m standing in-front of one of the most romantic Christmas trees in the world missing your stupid smirk and your stupid infuriating sense of humor and wishing I could tell you I love the way you used to hold me to your chest like I meant the world to you…So just in case you ARE listening, I want to tell you that if you asked again this Christmas, I would say yes…its okay if you don’t want to see me ever again, I don’t blame you if you do, but tonight I had to try” and then she ended the call.

Derek didn’t call back. And Casey didn’t have the heart to tell Vivian or Edward that he hadn’t, especially since they both seemed to be so happy in their bubble of Christmas isolation. Instead she kept working on giving the manuscript a basic edit and went to Central Park each night to watched the Christmas tree, sometimes she recorded videos of the Christmas activities to send home, sometimes she even hung out with the few friends she’d managed to make in her time of pestering Edward Lewis.

December twentieth turned into December twenty one and still no call, by the twenty third, Casey figured that he wouldn’t. It hurt, but like Edward said, at least she tried.

It was liberating, how that voicemail made her feel, maybe Derek moved on and maybe Casey was obsessing over a shot that was missed long ago, but it felt good to finally get the words out of her chest. She loved Derek, she probably loved him since Queens and she was tired of being ashamed of that, maybe Derek had been too, maybe that’s why he cut contact, but now Casey was determined to make the best of it. There had to be some way to live with a broken heart right? People did that all the time.

So here she is, standing in front of the Christmas tree in Central Park on Christmas eve, watching as the world goes on without her, at midnight she’ll go back to her hotel and tomorrow there will be calls to friends and family wishing a happy Christmas and confirming they got her gifts, but right now, Casey just wants to be alone in a crowd full of people.

Fifteen minutes until midnight, she joins a small group of people lighting sparklers for fun. And misses a call. Derek doesn’t leave a message.

At eleven fifty he calls again and Casey picks up with baited breath “So space Case, heard you missed me” and she can hear him smile from wherever he is, with that stupid smirk that she knows so well and has always spelled trouble for her “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said, you know…the other day, when you called from the phone of a guy who’s supposed to be publishing a bestseller on boxing day”

“Derek I…” forgot Edward Lewis extensive contact list also included a few film directors, Casey wanted to say but Derek cut her off

“No, this time I talk you listen, because its not fun to listen to a klutzilla cry over the phone at two am when I have the hangover of the century, because she decided to screw with my head once again” he didn’t sound angry, if anything he sounded…happier “You know how hard it is to get the guts to propose to the girl you think is the love of your life on Christmas day? For me you were IT Case! The girl, my girl, I worked hard for that ring, I wanted forever with you and you threw it all in my face last Christmas, hell, I was determined to have another girlfriend by now, but guess what? Just like every other time since we were fifteen you manage to screw with my plans without even trying”

“I know and I’m sorry I’m..” Casey faltered when Derek shushed her again

“And the thing is that no matter how many girls I met, or how many jobs I took, nothing ever measured up to fighting over the remote with you! And I was having fun without you! There was nobody to nag me about my bad habits, nobody telling me to clean after myself or eat healthy or give me feminist lectures about male privilege”

Casey let out a chuckle for the first time, she’d felt the same way “It was killing you wasn’t it?”

“YES!” Derek growled pretending to be mad “Because its you!, only you manage to mess with my head even when you’re not there, because you are a control freak, how can you even control where I end up on Christmas day?, for twelve months I tried getting over you, twelve hard and busy months, but you had to call and you had to cry and…” Derek’s voice rose a little in volume, wait, why did he sound so close “I’m standing in-front of one of the most romantic Christmas trees in the world asking you if you meant it when you said you would take it back, if not, just save me the tears”

Casey frowned and looked around, just to her right, holding a phone to his ear was Derek, smiling and his smile looked like forgiveness “I meant it! With all my heart” she nodded running up to him and jumping into his arms, phones forgotten.

“So if this Christmas, I asked you to marry me…” he whispered kissing Casey’s lips like a starved man eating a feast

“I would say yes” Casey breathed him in, repeating her yes into his neck “A million times yes” her eyes found his and if possible the Christmas lights from the tree made him look even more handsome “am I still the love of your life?”

“You always have been Case” he replied putting a delicate silver ring on her finger “Am I still the only person you’ve ever fallen in love with?”

“Do you really have to ask?” she replied, kissing him again. And the clock of Central Park rang, exactly at 12 am.

**Author's Note:**

> They do end up going together to Edward and Vivian's wedding. In Edward's current book, his post apocalyptic Santa meets the future Mrs Klaus. This is why Casey kept going back to reading the manuscript. She wanted more angst


End file.
